so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
