The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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