for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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