I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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