The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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