I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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