If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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