I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
