so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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