So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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