I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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