idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
