sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
