No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
