You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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