Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
