yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
