the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize