soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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