So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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