Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
