we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
