I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
