Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we should paint friendship bongs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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