in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
