He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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