also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is classic penis vs brain.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
