Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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