She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
