Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
