I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
