We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
