The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize