turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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