Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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