My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think my moral compass just broke
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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