my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
