well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
