well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
