hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K