I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
