Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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