One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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