I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
