Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
