she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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