I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
