hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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