i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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