Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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