obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
