i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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