I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
