he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
