My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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