Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
