Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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