Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
