You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
